I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
