allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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