Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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