stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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