Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
