To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
