...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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