Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
