lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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