Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
