he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
