she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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