Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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