they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
