I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
