My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't deserve a penis
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
