3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
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