i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
