'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
