So drunk its hurt
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
