I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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