**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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