If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
