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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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