Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
