we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
