Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
