I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
