And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize