i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
