they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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