When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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