Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
