You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
