I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
