my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
