Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
