just come out here and I will go home with you...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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