who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
