Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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