i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize