that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
