Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
