Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize