Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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