I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
