My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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