I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
