id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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