And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
