You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
