Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
