first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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