Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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