Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
