my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
