she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
