he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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