dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
