Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
