i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
