I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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