I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize