I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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