my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just had sex on a roof
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
