I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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