the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
