well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
