i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
