apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
