Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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