As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize