Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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