My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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