FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
