soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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