I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
