Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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