i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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