I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
