I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
