peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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