Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
