Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize